i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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