I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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