Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
