I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
