I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
