I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
