My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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