just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
