when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
