Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize