Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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