Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
