Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
