woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
