there's paper in my vomit.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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