I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
