I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
