census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
