bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
