i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
