Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
