Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize