im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
