I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
