I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
