party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
