Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real