He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.