Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The pigeons can smell the fear
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I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?