I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...