I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful