If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.