If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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