Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  booty call

  (925): View more from California

  i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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  (408): booty call (925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy. http://tfl.nu/xuna
  Replies (60) Good night (1145) Bad night (5874)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?

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  (586): Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low? http://tfl.nu/jj2a
  Replies (32) Good night (1191) Bad night (2699)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop

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  (915): dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop http://tfl.nu/1szd
  Replies (22) Good night (1104) Bad night (4239)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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  (503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p
  Replies (15) Good night (648) Bad night (3095)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1334)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

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  (443): they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them http://tfl.nu/300a
  Replies (25) Good night (4669) Bad night (1006)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy

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  (972): Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy http://tfl.nu/ylro
  Replies (5) Good night (717) Bad night (2852)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.

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  (952): Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded. http://tfl.nu/fg0e
  Replies (6) Good night (5621) Bad night (787)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"

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  (781): I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions" http://tfl.nu/b7d2
  Replies (7) Good night (2388) Bad night (553)
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  (949): View more from California

  Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke

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  (949): Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke http://tfl.nu/yym0
  Replies (2) Good night (526) Bad night (841)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon

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  (512): Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon http://tfl.nu/vd4z
  Replies (9) Good night (1957) Bad night (411)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  "The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"

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  (480): "The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!" http://tfl.nu/bdi6
  Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (306)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?

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  (720): Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay? http://tfl.nu/yxii
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god

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  (410): I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god http://tfl.nu/pepn
  Replies (7) Good night (772) Bad night (374)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!

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  (678): No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing! http://tfl.nu/2stv
  Replies (1) Good night (563) Bad night (242)

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