I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
too bad burritos don't cuddle back