I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
