If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A bitchslap is in order.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
