if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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