You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
