i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She even gives head with a lisp.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
