I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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