What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
