I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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