What did we do last night that was yellow?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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