he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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