I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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