I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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