My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When did angry sex become our thing?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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