I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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