Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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