ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Small penises have feelings too.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
