I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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