i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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