dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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