I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
