Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
