I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
