I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
