why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
