He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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