I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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