Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
