that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize