I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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