i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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