so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
