she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
