i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
